Is Shopping Making Us Insecure?

Graphic by Sabrina Eicher.

A little under a year ago, in need of some extra cash and not interested in any campus jobs, I got a job working at the mall. I was mainly thinking,“Well, I love shopping, so naturally I’ll like helping other people shop.” And after eleven months, I can tell you that a lot of the job is what you would expect — folding clothes, fetching sizes for customers, making the store look pretty and checking people out. Something I never expected from my job selling clothes, though, is the cognitive dissonance I’d discover of loving clothes and feeling bad selling them.

Is liking to shop ethical? Is shopping driven by insecurity? Or by empowerment?

The most rewarding part of my job is helping the people who need empowerment. Whether it be a woman who needs a new wardrobe after a weight change, a new mom looking to treat herself or a transitioning woman looking for gender-affirming clothes, it feels good to help other people feel good about themselves. 

For most of us, though, shopping won’t be that big event that turns our self esteem around. After helping thousands of shoppers, I still wonder, is it making our self esteem worse?

As the trend cycle speeds up, it feels like we’re on an endless chase, running after a level of stylishness that we can never quite catch. The shirt I bought last week already feels a little tired, let alone the one I bought last year. Sometimes it feels like the clothes I bought six months ago have been “out” long enough to be coming back into style soon. 

When I’m shopping with customers and picking out pieces for them, sometimes I get this icky feeling, like I’m helping them feed some insecurity. After all, I know why I shop. I want to be ahead of trends. And, at least for me, I know it will never be enough to buy the newest trend, not when the next one is just around the corner.

Maybe all shoppers are driven by insecurity. At least once a day, I answer the question, “Am I too old for this?” No! Please! Don’t be ridiculous! Older women often shop to feel young, but not too young. And similarly, teenagers shop to feel grown. 

We buy clothes to be something. Or become something. Transforming our physical selves makes us feel like we can transform our inner selves, too. Maybe we’re shopping away insecurity, loneliness and boredom, but when we stylistically step out of our comfort zone, we’re also stepping into (what feels like) a new version of us. 

It’s hard for me to grapple with the ethics of my love for clothes. Fashion is an important element of culture, and style is an important element of self-expression. But it’s also vain. It’s about appearance, about our physical selves and about how other people see us. No amount of rationalization has been able to convince me that loving clothes can be one without the other. I don’t know if self-expression can be completely void of vanity.

At its best, shopping can help us unlock our true selves —the confident, authentic person that hides within all of us; at its worst, it can make us feel like we’re being tested, with an exam full of trick questions. 

Certainly, feeling confident in your skin can’t be a bad thing, but I still can’t quite seem to shake that icky feeling.